Dealing With Two

“Just wait till you have to deal with two.”

It’s one of the most innocent and well intentioned statements, and it flows off of the tongue so naturally in conversation that it’s annoying. It normally follows some statement of how easy or difficult things were during an experience with Erza, and it always comes from someone who already has more than one child. I know where it derives, and I understand why it’s said. Yet, it hurts every time I hear it.

We’ve said it before, we honestly don’t expect people to always have Liam in their minds, but somewhere deep inside, that is exactly what we expect….because he is always there with us. Liam’s life was – for most people – a long time ago (I don’t mean that disparagingly, but in the realm of life, a year+ is a long time), but for us it was like yesterday; and as emotion ramps up around the arrival of a baby girl, the feelings and thoughts of Liam are right back on top. It’s a weird place to be: we have asked people to be ‘normal’ with us, and we don’t always want a sad conversation; but at the same time, we want people to remember Liam, and remember that we are still living with his memory.

Let me explain something: we already have two children. This baby girl will be our third. It’s simple math, but it is so often avoided just to stop from putting someone else in a tight spot. It’s easier for most people to think and to say that we have one child. But the fact is that we are parents to two children….Ezra and Liam….and now a third girl is set to join the mix.

My instant reaction when someone says that statement is to throw down with some rant about how I would love to have two at home already, and how dare someone forget Liam, and how I would trade all of the difficulty in the world in loading two kids into a car for the difficulty in dealing with loosing a child. It’s just not comparable. But, we don’t. We nod our heads, and gently remind that we have two kids….or sometimes ignore it all together. At times, it’s so hard not to scream – so here is the blog posting set to scream it for us.

We are ready to embark on the joys of having a girl at home with the three of us. There is no hesitation on how hard, tiring, or trying it’s going to be. But we have been through something that will make us appreciate every single diaper change and every single night awake. Just wait till we have to deal with three kids.