An Open Letter To Clothing Manufacturers

To Whom This May Concern-

We understand that your goal in business is to make clothing that is not only cute, cool, and affordable; but proportional in size and appropriate for the age group of the child. On all of these accounts you have greatly succeeded, clearly evidenced by the shear number of clothing stores and options for babies. 

As mentioned above, you have somehow been able to make miniature shirts that snap in between the legs so they don’t ride up while the infant is being shown off to family and friends…you have even come up with a cleaver marketing name for these articles of clothing: ‘onesies’ (which if you have ever tried to type that word on a computer, you would realize that it’s made up….yet somehow equally part of the common language).

These ‘onesies,’ as you call them, fasten between the kids legs with the use of snaps or buttons (depending on what part of the country you come from). For some reason the food-deprived, simple-minded, 20/20 seeing, miniature-hand-having, cost-saving, evil design team that you employ have chosen to use the smallest snaps available in the western hemisphere. 

This may look good and proportional in the research lab, but clearly the subjects that you use to test your products don’t include any real life scenarios into that testing. For slightly over three months now, I have been hoping that the on-the-job training that I have been receiving would improve my ability to use these snaps, but no luck. Whether it be the middle of the night when I am tired trying to change a wet PJ set, or the middle of the day with a happy baby changing spit-up soaked attire; these snaps are the most impossible and elusive creations this side of the infamous snipe. 

Please, for the sake of my sanity (and possibly a few others out there), make the buttons larger and easier to use in all situations – not just on the sterile, quiet, non-moving lab babies that you employ to feel good about your product’s functionality. As a matter of fact, use buttons that a 90 year old could handle. It doesn’t matter if they look proportional to the rest of the outfit…they are hidden in the shorts/pants that the child is wearing. Besides, the peacefulness that will overcome the parents using these newly designed pieces of gold will make them promise to purchase all of their clothes from you only. 

Good luck, please let me know if we can be of any assistance.

Sincerely,

Everyone that has had a baby.