Some guy named Einstein once said that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Each day encompasses essentially the same thing: we wake up after a short night sleep, have breakfast, hang out with Liam, have lunch, hang out with Liam, have dinner, hang out with Liam, go to bed. Sprinkle in some family and a trip to see home/Ezra and you have pretty much nailed down our current life. During each of the past 43 days, we have expected something different than what has happened (both positive and negative), yet we wake each morning thinking that something is going to be different about today. The anticipation is tiresome and the routine has long lost it’s usefulness.
Walking back into the NICU this morning, there was a harsh realization that I really don’t like this place anymore. Sure the hospital and the NICU are well designed and well stocked with things that we need, but it’s just not the life that we want. The doors, the carpet, the smells, the sounds, and the routine are getting on our nerves in a big way – compound that with a winter storm that has brought the coldest temps in more than a decade – and you end up with a level of restlessness that is hard to overcome.
The one thing that we aren’t sick of? Our nurses.
As we walk by the folks that don’t have a private room, we think about how thankful we are to have the space and the ability to spread out. In the room we have a TV that features 4 local channels, 5 ESPN channels, 5 news channels, 5 Spanish speaking channels, and 6 basic cable channels….and it’s surprising (or not) that there is frequently nothing but junk on them. We have the internet, and even though that has proven a good escape at times, it still turns boring and lonely. Books? Magazines? Games? Movies? done and done.
Yet, there isn’t any option. This will either get easier or harder – and we only control a small portion of that.