Never having had Liam at home with us is turning out to be a challenge all on it’s own. We find that it’s really easy to let life sweep us along and to get lost in what it has to offer: the simple day-to-day tasks of being a husband/wife/parent/friend. By spending the two months in the hospital with Liam, it now sometimes feels like a trip; a place that we went to, met someone new, said goodbye and have returned to our normal lives.
All of the memories that we have created with Liam have been framed and set inside of the hospital room….we don’t have any memories that use our house as the setting. And while both of us agree that this scenario is proving to be the best for Ezra, it is also hard for us. It’s not like we can go up to Liam’s room and sit there for a while, or we can’t pick up something that we played with/on – because it’s all in the hospital.
We walk around the house and are reminded of Liam through the wristbands that we are still sporting, or the pictures that we have of him, or the medical bills that are coming in, or by the cards and notes that we are getting from you – but we are lacking the physical memories, and that is difficult. Most of the time, it means that we are struck suddenly with a moment of emotion rather than a slowly rising tide.
For Ezra, we made book of photos of Liam so he could go to it whenever he wanted to be reminded. It came in the mail today and looks amazing – ordered it through Apple and would highly recommend the same process for anyone else. It’s hardcover with thick pages and lots of photos; hopefully something that he can have for a long time. Ahna and I took some time to look through it before we gave it to Ezra, and it hit us kind of hard: all we wanted to do was reach into the photos and grab Liam for a few minutes. It was the first time that we have had large color photos of him around – ones that are more of life than they are of the art or abstract.
Perhaps the book will help us find a place to go to whenever we need to spend some time with Liam, but it’s still different to visit through a photo versus visiting through a place.