Ezra and I were spending some time this afternoon looking at the book of photos of Liam, and as we reached the end of the book, Ezra said “I want to go to the hospital to see Liam.” All I could reply was “me too pal, me too.”
It’s been a month since Liam died and it feels like each day we miss him more and more. At this moment, the idea that time will heel feels as distant as the far reaches of the known universe. We know from previous experience, that time doesn’t really heel…it just allows you to focus more and more on the life that you are living, not the one that you are missing.
It’s so hard to not immediately go back to the Friday morning in the hospital one month ago. In every aspect of the emotional thought pattern, it feels like it was yesterday. Words and conversation with the doctors from that morning haunt us all the time; and there isn’t an hour that goes by that we don’t wonder what life would have been like if Liam were still with us.
After dinner this evening, we went over to his grave site and spent a little time where we left flowers. It was really windy and the temperature felt very cold so we only stayed for a short while before coming back home. I wish that there was some cool, philosophical proverb that would fit this situation perfectly, but there isn’t. Instead we write what we told Liam this evening:
We miss you and we love you.