Shloshim

In the traditional Jewish style of mourning, Shloshim is the 30-day post burial mourning period. Following those traditional rules of religious observation (which we don’t in this case), a person in mourning is restricted from doing and participating in a lot of different things (like work, cooking, exercise, etc). Following the completion of the 30 days, you are again allowed to ‘reenter’ life and all of the normal things that you would have been doing.

This morning we held a small service with the Rabbi at Liam’s grave side to mark the 30 day point. There were a few readings, and a prayer or two; but the idea of the ending of a period of mourning just doesn’t really seem applicable. It’s impossible to put emotions into a neatly wrapped calendar that starts and ends on a lunar cycle. Some of these anniversary or time markers are real and some are constructed – but they all are emotionally heavy and complete with sadness.

Both of us have re-engaged work and projects that were in progress when Liam was born. We have started to move Ezra along the path of growing from a  toddler to a boy (working on loosing the pacifier and starting potty training). But we also still occasionally run into someone that knew we were expecting, but doesn’t know what happened. And each time that this happens, raw feelings are immediately brought back to the surface. Two steps forward forward, one step back. One step forward, two steps back.

So, here’s to day number 31 and whatever it might bring with it.