It’s Too Easy

Yea, that’s actually what it says: it’s too easy…and herein lies the rub.

It’s been two months, as of today, since we last held Liam; and that hurts a lot. Two months ago we sat at the hospital and had our lives irreversibly changed in a way that we didn’t want them to be changed. We left the hospital with a feeling of sadness and loss that has only gotten more intense, and we haven’t been back. There are moments, even hours, that go by and Liam isn’t at the forefront of each and every thought; and we hate that. And the normal activities in our day-to-day lives are all to simple and easy. And it’s in that simplicity that we are constantly reminded of what we don’t have.

Take yesterday for example…just like any other randomly selected day in our current lives. We woke, made some breakfast, and watched a little TV. We decided that we would go for a walk/run and loaded the car – with a stroller for one. After that, I went and ran a few errands by myself and Ahna and Ezra played outside before heading to the grocery store. All of that done without worry or concern for a baby’s feeding and napping schedule. In the evening we went down to my parent’s house for Passover Seder, and enjoyed a wonderful meal well into the evening without a glimmer of a crying or needy baby in sight. Trust me when I tell you that’s its just has hard to write this down as it is to live it. It shouldn’t be this simple. It really sucks.

It’s a heavy-hearted day. We miss Liam.

Comments

  1. Wow, you said it perfectly. I have the same thoughts every day. We were prepared for a baby..instead we can still go out and have a few drinks, go to a movie, I can clean the house without having to worry about anything else…and I hate every single second of it.

  2. I’m sorry bro…we think of you guys and especially if Liam often

  3. The Brushes says:

    I have tried this 4 times now so I will just stop with the attempts at organized thought- Thank you for speaking from the heart. Thank you for helping me to appreciate everything in life that much more. Even overflowing diaper bags, being late to everything and tearing apart couches at 1am to find a pacifier. Thank you for hopefully understanding that because of all you have given to us that we wish we could change this all for you. But because we can’t, we think of you often, pray and hope for your strength.

  4. It seems there is no moment that doesn’t resonate or ring out in its particular way. Thinking of you all as you continue to put one foot in front of the other.

  5. my heart breaks for you guys. but i know the faith and love that has carried you this far will continue to help you heal and fall into a new rhythm. god bless.

  6. Kjerstin says:

    My thoughts were with you yesterday with Passover and today with Liam. I had every intention of calling you both days and yet here it is–9:19 p.m.–and I still haven’t done it. For now, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

  7. My love to you all on all of the challenges and joyous moments of this week.

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