Funk. Slump. Sad. Depressed. Doing the motions. Lost in a moment. Cry. Alone. Together. In Between. Afraid. Missing. Wondering.
All of these, all the time. Yet they are easily and often interrupted by a little boy running around and simply wanting you to play cars with him. We find that there are times when we try to stay busy – probably in some sort of attempt to push aside the thoughts about what happened and just focus on something else for a little while. Then other times we find that it’s ok (if not confusing) to sit inside of those of hardest emotions.
It’s a lot harder of an adjustment than either of us anticipated, going from one world to another so quickly and so thoroughly. There really isn’t any half-way house for these travels. While in the hospital, Ahna and I found a deeper connection to each other than we have ever had prior; and since returning to home/life/Ezra that connection has been a lot harder to come by, and the subsequent feeling of distance has just been something that we have to figure out how to overcome.
The trash gets picked up, the house needs cleaned, the kids play outside, laundry needs done, etc. It seems like everything is supposed to stop and revolve around our grief – but it doesn’t, and sometimes the knowledge that things keep moving along is so in your face that it’s hard to deal with. And that’s when we just step off for a little while.
We have had a bunch of people checking in on us through all sorts of different ways, and we feel so apart of your family that we don’t feel entirely alone on this journey….thank you.
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I’m standing still – The Weepies