Okay, it’s not the blue and orange, but tonight we cheered hard for the green and yellow. It was really good for us to be able to think about something else for a little while, and at the end of it all to be able to smile. My parents brought up some decorations for the room, and we were able to sneak some chips and dip into the room to have our own little Super Bowl party. Liam hung with us for the entire game, and was actually awake for the ending – likely due to the excitement from his Mom and Dad. The staff around here was also supportive…they filtered anyone that needed to come into the room during the game (like the guy checking the fridge) by asking if they were cheering for the Packers. Steeler fan? Can’t go in. Also, big props to Aaron Rodgers for proving a lot of people wrong and the Packer front office for kicking a failing QB to the side. GO PACKERS!

This place is crazy – I have no idea how the staff here stays to upbeat and helpful, let alone sane. In the short/long time that we have been here, there have been at least three other kids put on the head cooling; meaning that despite our best intentions, devastation like we felt is a constant in the NICU. Of course there are amazing stories of recovery, and there are lots and lots of kids that come here for short periods of time and get better with the help of the doctors and nurses – but it’s an unfamiliar realization that this isn’t something that happens every blue moon, rather something that families are faced with on an all-to-regular basis.

Our last few days have featured a steady stream of emotion, some of which has been expected and some of which has been very unexpected. These moments of stark reminders of reality sneak up and scream their presence at the most unassuming of times. Ahna and I generally are able to cope with change fairly well – and are getting a lot better at it since Ezra appeared – but to deal with these changes as frequently as they come, as surprising as they are, and as impactful as they are is a new experience for us (resulting in a lot more gray hair. I’m sure that if you took before and after shots of us, they would look a lot like the before and after shots of the President). You could probably throw just about anything our way right now and we would be able to absorb it, but you change even the smallest thing with Liam in a way that wasn’t anticipated, and the world temporarily shifts.

We have been graced with a few visits from Ezra in the past two days, and today we were able to see in person for the first time his newest ‘face meets something it’s not supposed to’ marking. He and Nora were quietly and peacefully sitting in a chair down at my parent’s house when they tipped it over and fell into a cabinet. Nora walked away with no outward expression of the incident, while Ezra received a temporary tattoo of a scrape on his upper lip.

Seems like a lifetime and a flash all in one. There is a line from a John Denver song about Toledo, Ohio where he says “I spent a week there one day.” It seems to be a particularly relevant feeling right now.

Yesterday morning was a rough go for a while. Liam’s oxygen saturation levels dropped well below acceptable standards for a few hours as did his conscience state. In response, we changed a medicine that he was on, and it seems to have worked – as he is back near the ‘normal’ awake times and back to adequate breathing levels. It seems as though when you stack a few medicines together, they can have a synergistic effect, sometimes exploding the desired effects of the medicine into something more than originally anticipated.

We were also fortunate to have Ezra come up and visit twice yesterday….fortunate that the second time he was a lot more amicable than the first time. In the morning, he was a lot like a 2.5 year old that didn’t sleep well (go figure); but in the evening he was a lot more like a 2.5 year old that slept well. During his later visit he even sang four songs to Liam: ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, the car song, and the hot tub song. The last two listed there aren’t something that you will find in the iTunes top-10; but if you pick a random melody and sing out of tune about how much you like cars or hot tubs, you are likely to get pretty close.

As the post this post is written, Liam fell asleep after a bath (which is a pretty good bet – the bath serves somewhere between a traumatic event and a soothing time for him). Sounds like a good plan to me….

After an agonizing few seconds of trying to come up with a title for this post (this is a reoccurring theme), I settled on “An AM Update” but that sounded too boring and it’s already been done – probably more than once. So, as I second guessed the title, I decided to stick it out by spelling it out. Something different, and something that I couldn’t have done without the help of the omnipotent web site Wikipedia. Turns out that ante meridiem is Latin for ‘before midday’…and post meridiem is Latin for ‘after midday.’ New to me.

We have been blessed to have Ahna’s parents return, along with one of her sisters and her two daughters. They flew in from chilly Wisconsin on Monday night and will be here for the week with us. They all came up to the hospital yesterday, and Kari and Nora met Liam for the first time. Ezra returned with them…and promptly said hi to Liam on his way to get the iPod to try to watch Toy Story.

Liam’s medical update is fairly similar to the previous ones, with the exception that he has again had to have some increase in medicine to help with his comfort level and possible seizure activity. Last night we were treated to a new nearby neighbor that graciously made their presence known vocally all night long. This affected Liam only slightly – he wasn’t able to fall back asleep after waking this morning – but affected Ahna and I a whole lot more. Ah, living life in the hospital.

We have been trying on and off for almost the last week to see if Liam would be able to take a pacifier to help sooth him. Without an ability to suck, it’s hard to get him to keep it in his mouth for more than a few seconds without the help of something external (one of us holding it in, a correctly placed blanket to pin it in, etc)…but on two or three occasions he has been able to keep it in for a little while – and it seems to have helped. Alas, in the middle of writing this post, I tried to put it in and it fell out almost immediately. Oh well, we’ll keep searching.

I know that it get’s said a lot on the blog, and I’m not afraid to keep shoving it in your face: we have an amazing family. One of my cousins from Israel came and visited with us this past week – he served as the ‘representative’ from the side of the family that wishes that we were all a lot closer right now than three continents apart. It was wonderful to have him here and to be able to get his support for the week, not only for us but for my parents as well.

While my parents drove my cousin to the airport, they dropped Ezra off here at the hospital so the four of us could spend a little time together. Man, it felt good. As Ahna sat with Liam in a chair and I laid with Ezra on the bed, there was a smile that I just couldn’t get off of my face (and when I looked at Ahna, a similar and knowing smile exuded from her as well). It felt so nice to be the four of us doing something that we most likely would have been doing at home at that exact same moment. It was one of those times where you try really hard to wipe away the known reality and live with everything you have in the moment.

Finally, a note about a trip that Ezra took to the National Western Stock Show. Listen, just because I don’t remotely enjoy country music or pretend to understand modern cowboy culture, doesn’t mean that Ezra can’t be exposed to other lifestyles. It’s good for him to get out and see different things, experience the terrible smells of a large amount of large animals living together for several weeks, and to hear a language and vernacular that is not often heard in the supermarkets of the industrialized world. I am so proud that without hesitation, he jumped on top of a 2200 pound bull for a photo. I am even more proud that when presented with a look at a free cowboy hat, he graciously passed. He is a child that has a great ability to find the fun in all sorts of different cultures – including those of the tight Wranglers.

Ezra dances for Liam

As uncertain as the future is, there isn’t an opportunity missed to have a celebration of any sort of achievement. Tonight’s party was to mark Liam’s one month birthday, and family joined in the fun. Earlier, Ahna and I decorated the room and promptly received lots of looks from staff as they wandered by for the rest of the day – most of them with smiles attached (they are used to this sort of thing here). For the dessert, we took the ultra-trendy route of providing cupcakes – but that’s because it’s easier in the hospital, not because it’s trendier. Also, since any sort of open flame is roundly frowned upon in oxygen rich environments, an alternative was required. Tongue depressors and crayons to the rescue. Several group sing-a-longs later, we commenced some present opening (had one or two for Ezra too), and then some cupcake eating. It’s these sort of moments where a little bit of life begins to creep back in…then you eat a cupcake with your nurse. At the hospital. In the NICU.