The life and times of a little hippie in the Bersagel-Briese clan.
Soon more updates on Ezra will be coming you way (potty training, school, bull-headedness, etc)….but here are some fun photos and videos from the past couple of weeks.
Necessary sentence to space out the two videos because WordPress wants to compress them together for some reason.
These past couple of months have been difficult, and with that sadness and disbelief came a basic non-need to write anything down. I kind of regret that at this point, but the truth of the matter is that I would have just written post after post about how much it sucks. And I’m not sure that you need to read that, and I’m certainly unsure if I need to document that.
It’s been very strange to be a year later. To be living life without Liam, and to be thinking about each day what was happening for him a year ago. One time I flipped back into the blog and read the entry from 365 days prior, but it didn’t do me much good other than induce a good belly cry. There would be days that Ahna and I would look at each other and think about being in the hospital last year. We would think about holding Liam, spending time with him, and worrying about him. We would think about the things that the doctors told us…..and we would forget those things because it is very hard, we are finding, to remember all of the internal struggles that Liam had. He looked like such a perfect kid from the outside, and it continues to be hard to remember – on a daily basis – all that was happening inside of him.
We cried a lot over the past week. There were many times that life just didn’t seem to make much sense. Times that it was a lot easier, and perhaps necessary, to slip into a place of depressing sadness. It didn’t just come on the anniversary day; indeed it came most intensely throughout the week. Liam died on February 18, but it was the Thursday night into Friday morning when we last spent time with him…and all of those time periods rose sharply with emotion. Several times each of us were sick to our stomachs.
We also thought a lot about the Doctors and Nurses at Children’s that cared for Liam. They spent two months of their lives with us, just as we did with them, and because of that we remember what amazing things they did for Liam and for Ahna and I. We also recognize that as their time with us ended, their time with someone else began – and they do that over and over and over. How they are such strong, caring, amazing people…I will never understand.
Last year at this time, we couldn’t have predicted how hard this would be. There are many mornings that I wake up and I don’t feel good about what has happened. I wish I could tell you that an overwhelming peace has settled in, but it hasn’t. Sometime last spring I wrote about how despite your intents, life just props you up. Still true.
A year later we have some things to celebrate, including good things at my work, good things at Ahna’s work, and a most amazing Ezra.
But it would be so much better with Liam to share it with.
Turn down the volume of your music/tv/computer and listen for a minute. Hear that? Yup, that’s the noise of the Little Hippie blog crickets chirping away. It’s been quiet around here for a while, but that’s about to change with a restart of the postings. Stay with us…
A fashionably late arrival so as not to be mixed in, confused with, or otherwise overshadowed by the run-of-the-mill Best Of 2011 lists that populated the interwaves two weeks ago. Yea, I just made up the word interwaves…I’m that cool.
Competition to land on this year’s list was fierce, although three simple rules had to be obeyed. Rule #0 (because it applies every year): fit on a traditional CD. Rule #1 (becoming widely applied to all aspects of life): Don’t suck. Rule #2 (and most important): Sound great at a really high volume level. These rules combined to create an interesting array of music from all across the genre universe. Some of the music is a little more poppy and popular than in previous lists, and some of the music surprised me at it’s inclusion. Narrowing down the field was a treat filled with happily disturbing both the world around me and my ear drums while doing errands. The result of what I am calling a ‘confused listening style’ is music that sounds great outside of the perfect speaker set-up, and leaves you anxiously running through the store singing out load while rushing to get back to the car. Also, because why not go overboard with this, an award list is below the songs.
Some folks will be fortunate enough to get this from me on CD….as for everyone else….got your illegal music download service ready? 497 pared down to 20:
1. When You Were Mine (Prince cover) by John Heart Jackie
2. L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. by Noah & The Whale
3. Exhaustible by DeVotchKa
4. Always Gold by Radical Face
5. Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine
6. Sophia by Laura Marling
7. The Loneliness And The Scream by Frightened Rabbit
8. Sail by AWOLNATION
9. Uprising by Muse
10. Truth by Alexander
11. A Brief Introduction On Dubstep Production by Dubba Jonny
12. Around Us by Jonsi
13. Slow by Rumer
14. Someone Like You by Adele
15. From Finner by Of Monsters And Men
16. There There by Evaline
17. Your Surrender by Neon Trees
18. My Body by Young The Giant
19. Hit ‘Em Up Style by Carolina Chocolate Drops
20. Old Mythologies by The Barr Brothers
My Favorite: The Loneliness And The Scream
The One Despite All Efforts I Couldn’t Keep Off: Someone Like You
Biggest Surprise: Dubstep
Stolen From A Kid’s Movie: Around Us
Really Crank This One…No, Louder Than That: Uprising
Band Not Making The List For The First Time In A Few Years: Mumford and Sons
Bands Continuing Their Run: Laura Marling
This Year’s Local Act (although not someone that I know personally): DeVotchKa
Last Song Dropped From The Playlist: Holdin’ On To Black Metal by My Morning Jacket
Previous Year’s Best Of Lists:
A video was produced about the climb that we did while in New York City.
[ed note: I have also added it to the original post about the trip, so you don’t need to watch it twice if your now just catching up on the blog.] [PS – if that’s the case….where have you been?]
Whew. Can’t say that I’m too disappointed that the holiday season is over. Sure, having family around and seeing Ezra enjoy himself has been a great experience, but there was a gigantic hole in this year’s celebrations that just couldn’t be filled with any amount of presents, decorations, cheer, or music. Being bombarded with a never ending barrage of “merry” or “happy” or “best wishes” or “2011 was awesome for us” or “joyous” or “new year” does take it’s toll – especially when feeling those things are a passing notion at best.
Another contributing factor to a less-than-stellar season was my work schedule: at work for the Thurs/Fri of Thanksgiving, for 4 of the days of Hanukkah, for the 23/25 of Christmas, and for New Year’s Eve. It certainly was my turn to be at work, and without the seniority to get it off, I had no problem being there….not complaining about that. It just makes it really difficult to celebrate with a family that operates within the schedule of the rest of society. Take an already off year, and compound it with a lot of ‘celebrating at the firehouse’ and things become even more subdued.
We did have some highlights of the season, and foremost was the inclusion of family. Without the ability to travel at all during that time period due to work, we were fortunate to have family come to us. Dave and Mary Jo spent the Christmas week here in Colorado, and we had the pleasure of spending 10 days with some of my family from Israel who were here on vacation (even got a day skiing in with them). The best thing about having family here was certainly the distraction that they provided, the need to focus on something else some of the time.
Despite everything, we were able to celebrate Thanksgiving together (a day early, and again at the firehouse), we did get to spend Christmas morning together (thanks Scott for holding over for a couple hours), we were able to light a few nights of the candles (thankfully that holiday is designed to last eight nights), and New Year’s was spent….well, who cares, it was New Year’s (2011 did have some good moments, but by and large, I hope that it has a wonderful existence in the past – never to be relived again).
A resolution for the new year? Not normally into those. Any day seems like a good day for a change…but here is one that I can think of: cry just a little less and smile just a little more. This year already hasn’t started off with a lot of reasons to believe that this will be easy, but one can always hope, right? That said, here is some help in that goal: pictures of Ezra almost always make me smile (you will notice the spot on the tree that Ezra decorated – everything facing the wrong way, as well as the different take on the Christmas tree photo – swirly).
A selection of random images from the past two months that haven’t made it to the blog (but may have appeared elsewhere) in any other format (that I can remember).
As any of you who have been following this blog for more than a week or so know, I have been extremely fortunate to be involved with an amazing event: the 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs. The climb started here in Denver in 2005 and two years ago, went national through the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation. The Foundation met with us and we devised a plan to take it to the masses, with 2011 ending with some 55+ climbs in four countries, and over 5,000 climbers participating. The purpose of the event is primarily a memorial event, and in Denver, we only allow 343 firefighters (the same number killed on 9-11) to climb the 110 stories (the same number as the WTC). As part of the Steering Committee for the Foundation, I had a very unique and special opportunity to attend a meeting in New York City earlier in December.
As part of the trip, I did build in about two days of photographic sightseeing (photos included below: Flatiron Building and the High Line Park are well worth your time) and found the chance to catch up with a long-time childhood friend whom I haven’t seen in probably almost 15 years. I also discovered that (at least in lower Manhattan), should you live there, you exist without the following items in your life: trees, babies, and the sun. But you do have access to these items in your life: great street food, vegetarian restaraunts a plenty, several million tourists, and a solo life lived behind iPod earphones.
And while all that is neat, the purpose of the trip was extraordinary. We were able to stay at a hotel that sat directly adjacent to Ground Zero, and my hotel room’s windows opened to reveal one of the memorial pools where a tower once stood. It was breathtaking each and every time I was witness to that sight. We did visit the 9/11 Memorial, and there really isn’t anything that I could write that would do it justice. Even though the museum isn’t open yet (and is behind schedule), just being there, seeing what they have been able to rebuild, and seeing how they have been able to remember, is an experience that you should not miss out upon. The pools are stunning in their simplicity, and the grounds are quiet amongst all the noise.
On the morning of the meeting, we all met at 6am to do an impromptu stair climb at the hotel. It meant that we would be climbing the building 6.5 times in order to achieve 110 flights, but it also meant that we would be able to do a tribute like that one only feet from where the firefighters actually died. It really was everything that you would imagine it to be, including very emotional. I’m not sure that anyone said anything to anyone else in the stair well, mostly because there wasn’t a need to say anything at all. And then once we got to the top of the building for the last time, walked onto the roof, and looked down onto Ground Zero…..wow.
The meeting itself was a true treat. I am again amazed at how I have found myself in the middle of a great group of people that have all stumbled on such a great project. In 2011, the stair climbs were able to raise $200,000 in total, and that money has already gone to the FDNY for use. The meeting was hosted by the FDNY at their training center, and we were greeted by the Commissioner of the FDNY for a few minutes as we started. He was able to share with us that the money that we were able to help raise will go towards the FDNY Counseling Unit – a unit that would have closed it’s doors without this influx of funding. The unit is responsible for family, relationship, career, and peer-to-peer counseling for the members/families of the FDNY, and will now be funded for another year with this money. To quote the Commissioner, “With the money that you have given us, you are saving lives and families with your work.”
Opportunities like this one don’t come along very often, and I am so thankful to be apart of something that is actually making a difference on many levels. There is no way that we would have been able to do something like this – that started in Denver – without the support of family (namely Ahna and Dad), friends, the department, and all the firefighters who have shown up each year to do the climb. It’s been a helluva trip so far, and I can’t wait to see where this goes in the future.
[ed note: lots of pictures in crazy order. because some are so darn good (ha!), please don’t steal them without asking]
So WordPress (wow, WordPress comes up as misspelled – even on their own site) sent out this interesting e-mail the other day highlighting the “Year in Blogging” for Ourlittlehippie.com. Here’s the highlights of the highlights…and thank you for showing us such tremendous support during this past year through the blogosphere!
The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 120,000 times in 2011. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 5 days for that many people to see it. In 2011, there were 145 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 700 posts. There were 582 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 67mb. That’s about 2 pictures per day. The busiest day of the year was February 19th with 2,503 views. The most popular post that day was Liam.
The top referring sites in 2011 were:
Most visitors came from The United States. Canada & Israel were not far behind. Other countries that visited the site include: Brazil, South Africa, Algeria, Senegal, Turkey, Sweden, the UK, Russia, Germany, the UAE, India, South Korea, Vietnam, Australia, and New Zealand.
And finally, the five most active commenters (in order): Tori, Jan, Christi, Katy, Marilyn.
One of the other parents in our group shared this with us. Here is part of the story titled “Welcome To Holland” written by Emily Perl Kingsley.
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
The Life of a Little Hippie 