The life and times of a little hippie in the Bersagel-Briese clan.
Sorry that the blog has been left behind for the last day and a half….honestly, I have been a unmotivated to write anything, so nothing gets written. And tonight really isn’t much different, I just thought that I needed to say it to you all. Maybe more tomorrow – we’ll see how the night goes.
With a blanket from Sara
Ezra haninging out at the hospital this morning
Yea, seriously. On the one of the very first days that we were here, one of the parents of a patient located across the hall (at the time) approached my Dad when I was down visiting Ahna. She asked about our last name….inquiring because she had the same last name. It’s obvious that there are other families out there also with the Briese name (although it’s not like Johnson or Smith), but I had never met any of them, let alone randomly ran into one of the them.
This family (still here as well) lives on a working farm in southwest Montana. They have lived there for generations, and it’s possible that we can loosely trace our roots back far enough to find the same distant relatives that came from Germany/Poland. They do do one thing rather differently….how the name is pronounced. We say it like ‘breeze’ and they say it like ‘breezee’. The Mom that we met was able to bring us a historical book that they put together for a relative tracing a lot of that person’s life – we took it and made a few copies before returning it. One of the things in the book was the family coat-of-arms (posted below), which looks familiar and different at the same time. I did a family history essay way back in high school and got our coat-of-arms from a relative…it could be the same, but I can’t remember. It’s a strange and unique thing to be in the middle of the NICU at The Children’s Hospital in Denver, meeting a distant family relative from Montana.
Of note: due to the lack of facility like this in a large multi-state region, a lot of folks come here from a lot of places…like Montana. These friends that we have made have set up shop in the Ronald McDonald house just up the street – so if you are looking for something to donate to, or just wondered if that loose change at the restaurant actually goes somewhere; consider that foundation as a good and worthy cause. It does really matter.
PS – Voltus In Hostem means ‘face to the enemy.’
We are in a winter weather pattern that is even a little odd for this area, and certainly restrictive to parents wishing to be in multiple places at once without ever being to far from either one. After a ridiculously warm weekend about 10 days ago, it has been pretty cold (including that super cold snap) and it has snowed pretty much every day – with another 6-12 expected tonight and tomorrow. It’s been a long time since either Ahna or I have made it home, although we have made it out of the hospital for short trips in the area a few times. Outside of that, it’s been a very emotional couple of days…and I think I’ll just leave it at that.
Took this photo over the weekend, and thought it deserved it’s own post to shine…
If you are newer to the blog, click here to find the first 2 years photo compilations.
Okay, it’s not the blue and orange, but tonight we cheered hard for the green and yellow. It was really good for us to be able to think about something else for a little while, and at the end of it all to be able to smile. My parents brought up some decorations for the room, and we were able to sneak some chips and dip into the room to have our own little Super Bowl party. Liam hung with us for the entire game, and was actually awake for the ending – likely due to the excitement from his Mom and Dad. The staff around here was also supportive…they filtered anyone that needed to come into the room during the game (like the guy checking the fridge) by asking if they were cheering for the Packers. Steeler fan? Can’t go in. Also, big props to Aaron Rodgers for proving a lot of people wrong and the Packer front office for kicking a failing QB to the side. GO PACKERS!
As half of this family comes from Wisconsin….(sorry Johnathan, this had to happen. Denver folks: don’t worry, he’s a Broncos fan first. Jeff: nice try with the b-team stuff from Minneapolis.).
Ezra speaks for his little brother and the rest of us on this Super Bowl Sunday when he says: GO PACKERS!
Earlier this afternoon, Ahna, Liam, and I were watching a movie (Taking Woodstock – two stars…just not enough story in the film to carry it) and I realized after about a hour that I sort of forgot that we were in the hospital. It was quiet, the lights were low, the snow was falling…we were lost in the moment. As I realized this, I looked over at Ahna and smiled to myself. Then I saw the blinking lights just out of focus – and it all came rushing back. The noises in the hallway returned, the TV got smaller, the chair more uncomfortable.
When the pumps are powered and doing their business, they have this image that looks like a needle, with three lights that move directionally to show you that the pumps are working and the medicine is moving. These relatively small machines are responsible for giving Liam all of his medication…they use the same syringe that you are used to seeing, but they have an attachment that allows the pump to give the medicine at a very precise rate and a very precise amount. The only inconvenience that these normally create is that Liam is permanently connected; and therefore they must travel everywhere with us – from a little move in the room to a trip down the hallway.
However, these are also the hands-down winners of the ‘Most Annoying Thing In The Room’ award. The beeping noise that they make is unmistakable and reminds us each day that machines don’t know the difference between night and day. There are three primary times that the alarms sound on these things…the first is when the medicine is near empty: it will go off two times then stop. Due to this, we have become conditioned to let the alarm sound twice to see if this is the reason (lately we can actually tell you exactly when this will go off as Liam is getting a single dose of medicine only twice a day – the rest of the time he is on a steady drip). The second example of the alarm is the next logical one after the first: when the medicine is done. In this case, the alarm sounds until someone turns it off. And finally, the other primary reason for the beeping noise is if there is pressure increasing in the line….this alarm goes off all the time and all hours of the day – but is 99% of the time a false alarm. No legit reason, no understanding for why. It just does. And I can tell you from weeks of personal experience, when the alarm sounds for either the #2 or #3 reasons (since both sound continuously until someone turns them off), the nurses are either tending to another patient or on break. They are never just sitting at the desk and readily available…take it to the bank.
This place is crazy – I have no idea how the staff here stays to upbeat and helpful, let alone sane. In the short/long time that we have been here, there have been at least three other kids put on the head cooling; meaning that despite our best intentions, devastation like we felt is a constant in the NICU. Of course there are amazing stories of recovery, and there are lots and lots of kids that come here for short periods of time and get better with the help of the doctors and nurses – but it’s an unfamiliar realization that this isn’t something that happens every blue moon, rather something that families are faced with on an all-to-regular basis.
Our last few days have featured a steady stream of emotion, some of which has been expected and some of which has been very unexpected. These moments of stark reminders of reality sneak up and scream their presence at the most unassuming of times. Ahna and I generally are able to cope with change fairly well – and are getting a lot better at it since Ezra appeared – but to deal with these changes as frequently as they come, as surprising as they are, and as impactful as they are is a new experience for us (resulting in a lot more gray hair. I’m sure that if you took before and after shots of us, they would look a lot like the before and after shots of the President). You could probably throw just about anything our way right now and we would be able to absorb it, but you change even the smallest thing with Liam in a way that wasn’t anticipated, and the world temporarily shifts.
We have been graced with a few visits from Ezra in the past two days, and today we were able to see in person for the first time his newest ‘face meets something it’s not supposed to’ marking. He and Nora were quietly and peacefully sitting in a chair down at my parent’s house when they tipped it over and fell into a cabinet. Nora walked away with no outward expression of the incident, while Ezra received a temporary tattoo of a scrape on his upper lip.
There was a previous successful hijacking attempt on this blog about how to help Liam (now can be seen at the top), but this one is a little different: it didn’t start out with a disclaimer (although, I suppose that’s what I am writing right now) because it was in fact hijacked by me. It’s not too often that I get to speak with too many members of the fire service outside of the poor guys that I work with – so I am going to bend your ears for a quick minute.
Seven years ago a few of us started doing a stair climb on Sept 11 (it has been written about several previous times on this blog), and this past year we have teamed up with the NFFF to take the program nationally. The gist is that you get a building and 343 firefighters to climb 110 flights of stairs on the morning of 9/11. It’s a tremendous memorial, a great motivation for better fitness, and an amazing training opportunity. Our goal is to get 100 places doing it this year for the 10th anniversary…and we are on the way. 63 department’s have already expressed serious interest in doing one, and we are going to put them on at both the CFSI dinner and at FDIC. Now we need your department to join in as well (or if you are already doing one in your city, we need you to pass this along to all of your friends). It’s one of the most rewarding things that I have ever been a part of, and it’s something that I know thousands of firefighters are looking forward to each year.
It’s not hard – as a matter of fact, we have done a lot of the design work for you – there is an IAP available that will go over everything you need to get it set up. You don’t even need a tall building, or a building at all. There are several climbs that use smaller buildings, amphitheaters, or sports venues (FDIC will be done at Lucas Oil Stadium).
For more information go to both www.9-11stairclimb.com and www.denverstairclimb.com
As we were expecting Ezra a few years ago, we received a gift from a friend/coworker of Ahna’s of a three dimensional replica of his hand and foot. Well, nine days into Liam’s life, we were fortunate to have her come back and do it again.
It’s at a place like this where I feel like I have to be honest…when I first heard about these molds, I was really skeptical. Of course, it’s a modern day rendition of the old school brassed baby shoe that our Grandparent’s have on their shelves – so it’s not a new concept…but I used to think that it would be a little creepy to have the molds done; and frankly I was afraid of turning into that old couple that has things like that on the fireplace mantel when our kids have become parent’s of their own. That was before I saw them done, and done how Cheri does them. It’s a super cool thing to have, and it’s really nice to have that moment in time so properly on display.
When Cheri got in touch with us about doing Liam’s mold, we were right in the middle of the first two weeks of this journey: quite confused, quite emotional, and quite lost (still are at times); but we were certainly sure that we wanted that molding to get done. She came up to the hospital, and figured a way to get Liam’s (who was still very sedated and laying flat on his back) hand and foot into the cups for the mold to take shape. A few weeks later, we were presented with the awesome piece of art that will soon find a good spot in the house.
If you are interested in getting one of these of your child (or pet or you, I suppose) for yourself contact Cheri at www.littlepawsdesigns.com
The Life of a Little Hippie 