The Life of a Little Hippie

In what turned out to be the first major event that Ahna and I have had to do separately, we both found our way back to work this week. It was a bizarre thing to have to experience something as individual as heading back to our workplaces, and to do it at different times – resulting in the first non-immediately shared emotional trip that we have had to deal with since Liam was born. Sure, we have had some more minor bridges to cross, but doing this is a big one.

I headed back on Sunday, and Ahna went into work on Tuesday afternoon for a few meetings. Both had nearly identical emotional reactions. Firstly, it was good to be with our friends at work. Both the folks at CTE and the folks at the Fire Department have been absolutely amazing, and very supportive throughout this process. Neither of us would have ever considered going back in without the knowledge that they would be there for us. And ‘easing’ back into it the way that we have done so far has been really helpful for us – and perhaps for everyone else as well.

Hands-down the most difficult part of returning to work has been returning to the physical place. When I opened my locker in my room, and when Ahna returned to her classroom; we both experienced a rush of really sad emotion. It was like opening a time capsule into a previous life that was filled with so much anticipation and happiness, that it almost seems foreign to understand right now. We each packed up our stuff back in December with a much different expectation than what has played out; so it was hard to return to those things that are such stark reminders of what was supposed to be.

We have found ourselves in physical places similar to these experiences – especially at home – but since we haven’t been to our work places at all since we left them in December, they have held on pretty tightly to the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that we left them with. We will both continue to delve back into work over the next couple of weeks – slowly at first, then full bore – and there is not doubt that it will be difficult; especially when you realize that sometimes there just simply isn’t any way to escape, until you can. But we do this with the comfort of knowing that we are surrounded by people and administration that cares deeply for us.

Our return to work dates have been set – and what seemed like a long time away when we did it, is now just around the corner. As we stare at another marker on the ‘return to life’ spectrum, the nervousness and anxiety are starting to set in a little.

I will return to work starting tomorrow….but just for one day instead of the full 48 hours of the normal shift. Then I will go back next weekend for another day before returning full time and full schedule in the first part of April. Ahna goes back to school on Thursday of this week for two days before their spring break sets in for two weeks. After that, it’s back to the normal grind.

We set up these schedules – in part – to allow us to ease back into working and all of the happenings that we need to be focused on there. The real test, however, is going to be being apart for the work hours and how we will be able to handle that aspect (we have been reassured by each of our employers that if/when we need to go home…that we can just go. It’s a great feeling to be so supported as we face these challenges). I think that we’ll make some extra efforts to visit each other more often that we might have done a few months ago, just to help break up the hours and to allow for some emotional relief if needed….but that’s not going to take away the moments that come and go as they please, and dealing with those will be the trick.

Ahna and I have essentially spent the past three months hand-in-hand for 24 hours a day. This might sound daunting or difficult for some people to imagine spending that much time with someone else, but there isn’t another way that either of us would have rather had it. I thought that we had a really strong and close relationship prior to this…I could never have imagined that it could have become even stronger and even closer. And that makes the thought of going back to work and being that apart for that long seem really hard. It had to happen sooner or later, but that doesn’t make it any easier. The one thing that does provide some comfort in this phase is returning to the people that we work with. They are simply amazing.

It’s been a really nice day together. We enjoyed the beautiful weather, the walkable streets, the food, and some of the sights. It started slow with barely any plans, and ended nicely with some ice cream and part of a movie in the room. Among other things, we made it to the state capitol and saw the only round statehouse in the country, and we made it to several of the old churches in town including the one that has the ‘immaculate staircase.’

Ok, on to the critical take on Santa Fe: it’s really not a city that is friendly to either a straight-up middle class household or one with kids. Don’t mistake that for a lack of things to do, or a sense of unwelcome – because neither of those are true. But, being an artistic voyeur is acceptable and interesting for a period of time before you just start to feel a little out of place. Sure, the shop windows don’t have any signs that say “Incomes over $150,000” or “No Children Allowed” (although part of me thinks they like kids because they have the potential to break things and therefore the sales people can make a sale), but it’s really hard to walk through some artists best work with a 2.5 year old and not worry about what they are going to touch. It felt like we were way more worried and focused on Ezra than we were on the art. Even the restaurants were upscale enough to have non-paper kid’s menus.

Wow, I just re-read that last paragraph and it actually seems pretty damning, like it wasn’t fun to be in Santa Fe with a child….when in fact, we had a really nice time together and enjoyed the perfect weather while walking around such a historic place. Growing up just outside of Washington DC, all of the history focused (rightfully in most cases) on the formation of the government, the Civil War, and Jamestown/Williamsburg. We discussed the native population so infrequently that I don’t even remember learning anything significant in school about it. So it’s interesting to come to a part of the country where you might be just as likely to get a shrug of the shoulders when talking about the formation of the ‘first city’ in Jamestown, as you would get a history lesson about the actual first cities in this area. I can assuredly tell you that we will someday come back to this place under better pretense.

Here is a HDR shot of the St. Francis of Assisi church located in the downtown area. It’s a well photographed and documented building, but I thought I would give it my spin. More photos coming later today from Santa Fe.