Potty Training
April 3, 2011 by 11 Comments
Let the games begin. After a successful removal of the pacifier from all daily life (except sleeping), we decided to embark on attempting to get Ezra out of diapers. Now before I go any further, a bit of full disclosure has to happen: I hate, and I mean hate, poop. For each and every diaper that I have changed on Ezra and Liam, there is some sort of massive displeasure and gagging that occurs. Liam didn’t seem to care about my reaction too much, but Ezra laughed at me each and every time. With this background, you can imagine that venturing into a world where I would have to do more than just throw away a poopy diaper…and actually clean something has proven to be rather daunting. The full disclosure part of this posting closes as I say that due to what you have now learned, Ahna has taken the lead on this project.
This all started out with some attempts at introducing the idea of going to use the toilet to Ezra. You see, for the nearly three years of his life, he has shown approximately zero interest in going to the bathroom anywhere specifically. As a matter of fact, he cares so little about it that he’ll just go wherever and whenever he needs to…so when he doesn’t have a diaper on, it doesn’t phase him one little bit (a good example a little later). So the concept of generating his interest in using the potty has been something that thus far has been the sticking point – we haven’t even gotten to all of the other normal sticking points to potty training (the sounds, the flush, sitting still, wiping, the responsibility, etc).
how the counter adornments have changed...
The one thing that Ezra does seem mostly interested in doing is wearing underwear. The simple summary of our methodology for the training is this (adopted from Peggy): skip pull-ups and go straight to underwear. Spend a few days doing nearly nothing but sitting on the potty every 15-20 minutes. By having underwear on, it will create the discomfort and they will at some point want to avoid being wet or otherwise. After three accidents in one day, go back to diapers and don’t make a big deal out of it. Sounds logical, caring, and something that we can handle. The only hiccup to the entire program is if/when the child doesn’t have any care to sit still or any interest to continue….enter Ezra. We know that we can push, but the last thing that we want to do is to create a negative vibe surrounding going to the bathroom.
Ahna began training Ezra late last week (10 days ago-ish) and it went fairly well for the first couple of days. Ezra would enjoy the Toy Story or Cars themed garments, and if he peed he would look up from playing and say ‘uh-oh’ before immediately returning to playing. Although there wasn’t any use of the potty, the two of them were able to work out a way that Ezra would wear underwear while they were home and sit on the potty for always increasing amounts of time. There was no revelation made, but there was steady progress. Until one day when Ezra realized that he was in fact 2.5 years old, and the testing began. Following a massive meltdown by both child (Ezra) and parent (me), we have made a few concessions: we will slow it down a little. We will try to hang out in underwear for a few hours each day or night and not push the issue too hard. We will work on gaining momentum in the ‘interest’ phase of this process. And finally, two of us will work on our patience a little bit (I’m not going to say who those two are, but Ahna is not one of them).
So it slowly continues. Some days are better than others, and some days we just don’t even try a little. In order to try to stay calm, I keep telling myself another piece of advice that Peggy passed along (after someone gave it to her many years ago): he’s not going to go to prom in diapers. Now if there was only a simple piece of advice that I could remember to get through dealing with the poop….
A Tree For Liam
March 29, 2011 by 2 Comments
This morning we had a tree planted in memory of Liam. It’s a ginnala maple tree that will grow to a pretty decent size over a long life, and it’s leaves will turn a red-ish color each fall. We planted it in the back yard…someplace that we would be able to see easily from the house and in a location that as the tree grows, so will our ability to benefit from what it has to offer (shade, beauty, etc). This is part one in a multi-part natural memorial including at least a garden at our house, a tree at the cemetery, and perhaps sometime elsewhere. Thank you to everyone that helped with this tree, especially to the good folks at Renovations Landscaping.
Wristband Update
March 28, 2011 by 1 Comment
Wow…it’s almost been a week since the last post. There’s a blog detox of sort happening right now – or we’ve actually just been really busy and haven’t found the time to be able to share any of it with you till today.
The ‘biggest’ event of the past few days is the beginning of potty training for Ezra. It’s big enough that I think I’m going to write a special post all for itself.
While Ahna was neck deep in the potty training, I spent the later part of last week in Indianapolis at FDIC (a conference for firefighters) helping to run a stair climb. A group of five of us went out there and organized and ran the first 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb at the conference. It’s very similar to the one that I help with here, except for the two obvious differences: 1) it wasn’t on 9/11 and 2) it wasn’t in a building (it was instead held inside of Lucas Oil Stadium). It was very successful, and we have settled on doing another one at a conference in Baltimore at the end of July. These climbs will go a long way in helping us towards the goal of having 100 climbs happening on 9/11 for the 10th anniversary this year.
New topic: through a friend, we learned of an organization called The Rowan Tree Foundation. It’s a group that helps parents that have suffered through and with the loss of a child. Truth be told, it completely sucks to have to learn about organizations like this one….but here we are anyway. The Rowan Tree Foundation helps people across the country, but it’s actually headquartered here in Parker. We have been in touch with them and are only now beginning to find out about some of the resources that they bring to the table – which I think will be great to know about. Anyhow, the folks there had read the blog and offered up a wristband that they have for the foundation. It’s a perfect something to wear while we are searching for the perfect something to wear (ps – thanks for all of the suggestions…I think that we’re close to getting something).
One Month Emptier
March 18, 2011 by 4 Comments
Ezra and I were spending some time this afternoon looking at the book of photos of Liam, and as we reached the end of the book, Ezra said “I want to go to the hospital to see Liam.” All I could reply was “me too pal, me too.”
It’s been a month since Liam died and it feels like each day we miss him more and more. At this moment, the idea that time will heel feels as distant as the far reaches of the known universe. We know from previous experience, that time doesn’t really heel…it just allows you to focus more and more on the life that you are living, not the one that you are missing.
It’s so hard to not immediately go back to the Friday morning in the hospital one month ago. In every aspect of the emotional thought pattern, it feels like it was yesterday. Words and conversation with the doctors from that morning haunt us all the time; and there isn’t an hour that goes by that we don’t wonder what life would have been like if Liam were still with us.
After dinner this evening, we went over to his grave site and spent a little time where we left flowers. It was really windy and the temperature felt very cold so we only stayed for a short while before coming back home. I wish that there was some cool, philosophical proverb that would fit this situation perfectly, but there isn’t. Instead we write what we told Liam this evening:
We miss you and we love you.
The Wristbands
March 17, 2011 by 14 Comments
Well, we finally took them off. The wristbands were removed more out of want for preservation than any other reason, as they are seriously degrading with normal day-to-day activities (like going to the swimming pool). We know that they won’t last forever – even off – but we wanted a shot at them sticking around a little longer than just a few more weeks.
As we have mentioned previously on the blog, these wristbands turned out to be more than just wristbands to us: they were the last remaining physical link to the hospital, and therefore to Liam. And because of that, it was a big deal to us to remove them. Keeping them on, was like keeping Liam with us all the time…and they allowed us to take something material memorializing Liam to lots of different places including skiing, concerts, the firehouse, school, New Mexico, and home.
We are looking for a replacement to them, another wristband/bracelet that we can wear and keep with us. A new, more permanent way of keeping Liam close. Any ideas?
Ezra Goes Skiing
March 15, 2011 by 10 Comments
It had to happen sooner or later, and sooner was definitely the preferred of the two options. So, last night we took Ezra and rented him skis and boots, and this morning we hit the slopes at Arapahoe Basin. When he first put on the boots last night, he wasn’t so sure about keeping them on for an extended period of time, but he did think that they were pretty cool – and that carried through to this morning.
We packed everything up and hit the road for the 1.5 hour drive. We arrived at A-Basin just after 9am and it was already sunny and warming up quickly – a perfect spring skiing, Colorado bluebird kinda day. If you’ve never been to A-Basin, well your simply missing out on one of the great things in the world. It’s not a pretentious, stuck-up, expensive ski resort that charges $10 to park a mile away (Breck, Vail, etc, etc, etc). So, we were able to secure a spot that was literally 20 feet away from the ski run, and no more than 100 feet from the chairlift for the beginner area. After a long walk of nearly 10 seconds, we were ready to go.
Ezra had his boots on and clipped into his skis with no issue at all…it just took him most of the time that we were there to understand how to balance and stand on the skis (and he’s still not there just yet) – especially when they were moving. We started off on the Magic Carpet lift, which turns out to be the steepest one of those in North America; and off we went. After the first run, Ezra smiled and asked: Again! So I obliged and we did it several more times. After those trips, I decided to take him up the chairlift and go for a little longer of runs. I would hold him between my legs, and we would sometimes go fast, sometimes make turns, and sometimes forget to stop where we were supposed to.
After a little more than an hour, Ezra asked to stop and to take off the boots. We did, and the skiing for the day was over. I don’t know that any of us could have asked for a better experience. Ezra talked this afternoon about going skiing and going fast down the hill, and when asked about going again soon, it’s a simple smile and a ‘yyyeeessss!’
PS – Ahna was the assigned sports photographer for the day, and I think that she did an amazing job.
We’re Old
March 11, 2011 by 7 Comments
Wow. I suppose that there isn’t a better way to judge your age than to fully immerse yourself in a place and atmosphere that is decidedly younger than you are….like a concert for The String Cheese Incident. We received tickets to see my favorite band (along with dinner) from some friends as a date night gift, and the show was last last. Ezra went to his Grandparent’s house and we hit the road.
The concert last night marked several interesting points, for example, even though we have seen the Cheese upwards of 30+ times, we have never seen them at a venue with seats. I’m not sure if having the seats there allowed for us to dance then rest, or facilitated us feeling older by giving us a place to sit down. More personally, this set of concerts that have become a tradition for the Cheese to do (although they haven’t done one since 2007) also marks the rough anniversary of Ahna and my third date – to the 2002 run of the Winter Carnival. When we arrived last night, we discussed any songs that we were looking forward to potentially hearing, and the one that we both picked – Birdland – showed up as the second song played; just following the appropriately titled ‘Smile’, which kicked off the show.
There was definitely a lot of energy in the building last night, the music was loud, and the crowd was – well, expected. All of the non-conformists conforming nicely together. Lots of drinking, lots of drugs, lots of dancing, and lots of fun. And here comes the somewhat shocking confession: we’re both getting a little over it all (not the music – just the scene, don’t worry). I’m not sure if it is the fact that we are getting older, that we are parents, that we are more in line with society that not, or that we have just had some life experiences that don’t allow us to be so innocent anymore…but the caricatures of people just aren’t that exciting or interesting anymore. But that’s okay, because we hope to be the old couple in the back for a long time to come.
Ahna and I had a blast. We danced, we sat close, we enjoyed dinner out, and mostly we enjoyed being with each other. Neither of us ever got completely lost in the evening, but we did find moments of freedom.
Home Again
March 4, 2011 by 5 Comments
We left Santa Fe and drove towards Taos for an overnight before heading home. Before leaving New Mexico we had to make two stops – oddly in the same small town of Cimarron (population 900). The first was a quick jaunt down to the Philmont Scout Ranch so I could show Ahna the physical location that is home to lots of stories of mine from a summer working there in 1995. The second was in the ‘downtown’ area to meet up with our great friend, Tori. She and her husband recently moved down to the area down there and we subsequently don’t get to see them as much as we would like to. So we stopped for playtime at a park and some ice cream before the rest of the drive home (PS – Ezra did amazing on the drive in both directions without a single complaint about being in the car. It leaves us optimistic for future road travels).
After we arrived back home and unpacked, we were greeted to a ton of cards from people: thank you! They mean so much. We were also greeted with the sudden rush back to reality and the emotional dump that the last four days have been missing. It was really easy to pretend at times during our trip that we aren’t dealing with loosing Liam, and that it was all just a weird and bad dream – which was sort of the purpose of the escape: to escape as much as possible. But coming back home to all of our stuff and to all of Liam’s stuff was a pretty harsh reminder.
This morning marks two weeks since Liam passed away. It’s so hard to believe that it’s been that long – and I have a feeling that we are going to be saying that at each and every anniversary/marker for the rest of our lives. The strange new reality continues to find it’s way to the surface.
Photo Dump: Santa Fe
March 2, 2011 by 3 Comments
The collection of photos from our time in Santa Fe.
The Life of a Little Hippie 
