Life’s Lessons

Last week at work, we were enjoying a quiet evening around the firehouse when the TV was purposely directed to show one of the Bachelor franchise spin-off shows. Yes, you read correctly: we watched some of the worst ‘reality’ television that the networks offer (I sat there in the name of crew cohesion, and if any other officer out there tells you that they haven’t done something like that, they are lying…at least that’s my story). As the show progressed through it’s nauseating drama, one phrase was uttered over and over as the boy-meets-girl-then-they-break-up-then-meet-again premise played out: “This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.” It was said by both the men and by the women, presumably somewhere between truth and TV.

We have all been around the bratty teenager that just doesn’t know any better, but more to the point, we have all been around the bratty 20/30-something that just doesn’t know any better. They are new at this life and new at a job, and lack the maturity that we look for in character judgement. They say things that show they don’t have any life experience, and the act in ways that make you want them to have a massive ego-humbling moment. They do a few weeks of tough work, get yelled at a little by a supervisor, and say something like: “This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.” And we all sit around and excuse a lot of their actions as a sort of innocent lack of life experience; just waiting for the day that they have one of these lessons and they will be more mature and more worldly for it.

As I think about my life today, I wonder about the need to learn these life lessons. They are never the good ones: jobs, promotions, relationships, life…..they are the bad ones: getting fired, getting passed over for promotion, being on the receiving end of a break-up, death. These lessons in life don’t seem to help your perspective, all they seem to do is rob your innocence – which in turn forces perspective shifts. I don’t know if there is any way around it, but I do know that I wish there was. I wish that the hardest thing that any of us ever had to face was a break-up or an unfair result at work.

We are around today sitting smack in the middle of (hopefully) one of the most emotionally difficult times in our lives. And while we continue to deal with and cope with loosing Liam, we find out that life’s lessons don’t stop inflicting their curriculum onto our friends and family. Just two days ago, we found out that someone close to us is now battling something that people our age shouldn’t have to battle. Part of what makes hearing someone start a sentence with “This is the hardest thing….” so annoying to hear, is that most of the people that say things like that haven’t truly experienced anything hard in their lives at all. This used to frustrate me to no end, and then I realized why: I’m jealous. I would love little more than to loose the lens at which life now presents itself…but I’m afraid we are too far down this road to turn back.

Yes, privilege needs to be met with humbleness, and opportunity needs to be tempered with reality; but I feel like there is a way to raise Ezra so that he can learn these things without ever having to experience a traditional life lesson again. You’ll hear people say “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” (I’m as guilty as anyone else in using that phrase). But I think that I don’t care if we turn out to be better afterwards – I’ll take me beforehand, and not have to learn anything new again.

[PS: I want to clarify that I would not ever give up a second that I have spent with someone in order to feel a little less pain….only, I hope that there is a way that we can figure out to learn differently. I know that loss and pain won’t stop – it’s part of life’s cycle. It’s just that there should be a less damaging way to come to certain truths.]

Ezra’s First Day Of School

Yup, that’s what it said: his first day of school. Crazy to us as well.

Ezra started preschool this morning, a venture that will land him there twice a week for a couple of hours in the morning. He is in the class with a few other friends of his and he has been super excited about it all summer long. So the day arrived this morning, and as certain as we were that it wouldn’t be any problem to drop him off, he tried hard to prove us wrong by crying as Ahna left the classroom – she was able to peak back in just a few minutes later and found him to no longer be crying and to be having a grand time with the other kids.

As the day shaped up, I had to be at work. And for any of you out there who think that the schedule that I work is grand and delivers lots of time off, I can tell you one thing is for certain: having to miss your child’s first day of school because you can’t get vacation time is a really, really tough thing. Days like this, the schedule that I work is a tough one to have. So how lucky is it that I have some amazing friends at work? I called one of them at the last minute – on a day that he was spending with his family – and asked if I could be on the receiving end of a huge favor. With little hesitation at all, he zipped into the station and worked for me for almost two hours to afford me the chance to go and pick Ezra up from his first day. A massive thank you to a great friend, and an equally as big thank you to his family for their understanding. I hope to get to repay him sometime with something half as meaningful. So, long story longer, I was able to be there to pick Ezra up (and snuck in there a little early to see how he was doing).

He told me that he had a super fun time. One of his teachers said that he did great. It was great that Ahna was able to take him, and that I was able to pick him up. And thus is the beginning of a tale of semi-formal and formal education that will last us the next 18 years-ish…..

New Wristbands

Well, after much consideration (possibly too much), a decent amount of thought, a lot of recommendations, and finally a much anticipated delivery; we have gotten our new wristbands. We have previously written about the wristbands and what they meant to us here and here, and then about the interim ones here.

We spent a lot of time perusing the internet looking for ‘that perfect one’ only to not want to get committed. The funny thing about it is that we know that even these wristbands won’t last forever, and if we don’t like them we can keep looking….but since they are something that we are going to be wearing all of the time, it was something that we really wanted to get right. And I think that we found the right ones (at least for now) at a place called The Vintage Pearl. The Vintage Pearl allows customization on size, font, and wording…as long as it fits within a certain character count – which leads to a whole different consideration about what to write. I settled on a leather band, and Ahna got a really nice bracelet and necklace.

They arrived while we were on vacation in the midwest, and once we got them on, we were really happy with them. They have been a nice permanent fixture, and have already become conversation pieces – leading Liam to be thought of and remembered by even more people.

Midwest Adventures

2105 Miles. 38 Hours Driving. 8 State Line Crossings. 7 Days. 5 Cities. 2 Times The Camera Came Out.

Statistically speaking, this is what a quick road trip back to the midwest to visit family looked like for us. The answer to the most oft asked question about the trip….Ezra did great in the car. Sure, he had his moments; but we’re attributing those more to his being three years old than to being in the car. Neither Ahna or I ever sat in the back with him, and of the 38 hours in the car, he only watched the DVD player for about 4 hours total (it’s helpful to have the kind that we remove when it’s not on)…meaning that by and large, he spent 34 hours confined to a car seat entertaining himself in one fashion or another.

We tried really hard not to have any day of driving that was too long (longest day was one that we thought would be about 7 hours and turned into 9 due to having to take a detour due to the Missouri River flooding in Iowa) which lead to the fact that 5 of the 7 days had a drive that was at least 3 hours long. Our trip took us first to northern Iowa to see Ahna’s Grandmother and other family, then it was on to the La Crosse area of Wisconsin, before heading to our final destination city of Sioux Falls. It was awesome to be able to see everyone, and even though it required a lot of driving, it was great to be able to spend time with everyone at their houses – something that doesn’t happen nearly as often as we would like. And now that that’s done, we know that Ezra can handle long car trips….future destinations are open for discussion.

And as far as that camera thing? It simply just didn’t make it out of the bag but twice. Trust me, I know it’s weird….lot of country, lots of driving, lots of family; but not lots of photos. Oh well, the camera on the phone made up for it a couple of times.

A New Look

The blog will be getting a new look over the next few days. Please bear with me as we work through this…things might get a little off kilter, but no fear, they’ll balance right back soon enough.

Water

The rest of our time in Grand Lake was no less entertaining or interesting than the first couple of days, just less photogenic because it revolved mostly around us hanging around with us. A few naps, some reading, more naps, a visit from JJ and Rachel, another nap or two, and a thunderstorm. We did manage to squeeze in a few things in there that would make good stories beyond how well I was able to sleep in the afternoon, including a trip to Adam’s Falls and a trip to the spillway.

Adam’s Falls is a great little hike just at the edge of town, great because it’s close and easy and provides something really cool to look at. With the snowpack at a near all-time high, the runoff into the lakes has been amazingly high as well, thus making something that is cool to see any day of any other year into something that is super dramatic/bordering on scary. The river gets squeezed into this super narrow, super steep section just before it drops into Grand Lake; and the high water was something to admire.

The spillway is not a place that I would normally take a hour out of my day to go see, but this was different (see the reasons above with Adam’s Falls, and the fact that they normally only do releases during a very brief time of year). They have been releasing water to keep Lake Granby at ‘normal’ levels and to feed the Colorado River; and due to the amount of water that needs releasing….holy cow. Intense.

Oh, and there is a few photos of a little campfire that we got going one evening to cook up some smores….another Ezra first.

 

Fishing Firsts

One of the boating excursions was in the company of a guide and with the expressed intent of catching some fish. But in order to prepare for this trip, Ezra went out with Saba the afternoon before, and spent some time on the dock learning the basics of fishing…namely what half a worm looks like, how to cast a rod while worrying about loosing an eye, the art of staring at a bobber, and patience. Ezra did take the opportunity to test Saba’s reflex speed by dropping the rod in the water once…and Saba passed the test with flying colors before it became an exploratory mission.

The next morning, we got up early and headed out for a few hours fishing. Close family member Hunter came up to spend a couple of days with us, and he got there just in time to see what Colorado fishing is all about. Despite a cold morning on the lake (50s), it didn’t take long to start catching fish; and it wasn’t hard to keep catching them. During our four hours on the lake, we were able to catch somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 fish, including at least one of every kind of fish in Lake Granby….the Granby Grand Slam as the guide called it. In that mix were Ahna’s first ever catch, Ezra loving to help reel but being scared of the flopping fish in the boat, and Hunter and Dad going back and forth on which fish to keep and which to get rid of…..(the story here revolves around being able to tell the difference between a brown trout and a rainbow). We ended up keeping a handful of fish, and bringing them back to the cabin for some deliciously fresh dinner that night.

Boating

So it turns out that smack in the middle of amazing Rocky Mountain wonderfulness is a place that is also full of boating wonderfulness….even for non-boaters. Just walk/drive down to a marina, drop a few bucks (or let the Grandparents do that), then Captain a boat anywhere it will fit for a few hours. We took this opportunity to do this a few times, and Ezra loved it all.

The first time that we went out was in a speedboat…every subsequent time was in a pontoon boat – something that I previously thought of only for large groups of annoyingly drunk people, or old families that were too scared to get too close to the water while going too fast. While those in fact may also be true examples of pontoon boat usage, you can also add families that have 3 year olds who like space to move around and store food/toys/clothes. These things were actually really nice, really easy to use, and provided a great space for all of us to be – even when not focusing on being on the water.

And if your wondering…no I haven’t lost my ability to swim, I was being a sympathetic and understanding parent by wearing a life jacket when Ezra was the only one required to have it on. Don’t get me wrong, I tried not wearing it as much as possible, but when he wondered about it…on it went.

Look What We Found

Last week we had the wonderful opportunity to go with my parents up to Grand Lake, Colorado for a week in a cabin. Grand Lake is a popular get-away place for folks here on the front range as it offers mountain lakes, a small town feel, access to the Rocky Mountain National Park, fishing….and it’s only a little more than two hours away. This was our first time spending any amount of time up there, and it was the first – of what will hopefully be many – time that we had that vacation cabin experience.

On the stunning drive up there, I commented to Ahna that outside of relaxation, the only thing that I really wanted out of the week was the chance at seeing a moose. While I have been able to see just about every other wild animal that the Rockies have to offer, I have never seen a moose in it’s own habitat. Cue up the first hike that we went on after unpacking. About 50 feet from the front door of the cabin was a trailhead that lead right into the national forest. Ahna, Ezra, and I started down the path; and not more than 25 feet into our first hike on our first day…standing right in the middle of the trail….was a moose. Four thoughts immediately ran through my mind: 1) wow, how majestic of an animal is that and how lucky are we! 2) Holy crap, I intentionally left the camera in the cabin and sure enough, here we are…. 3) Dang, that thing is huge. 4) We best move away a little bit and give it some room as they are rumored to have the potential to be a little aggressive in defending themselves. So, as any good spouse would surely do, I ran to the cabin to get the camera (on the way, I reminded Ahna to grab Ezra and back away).

After hanging around for a little while just watching the moose eat, get tired, and bed down; we finished our now shorter hike with a little side trip up to a good view of the lake. We hung out here for a few minutes before being chased back into the cabin by the mosquitoes, but we were able to get some of my favorite photos of the week of Ezra.

On the second day of the trip, we rented a boat in the morning and spent a while driving all around Grand Lake. Ezra really enjoyed being in the boat, and especially enjoyed every opportunity he had to pilot. His favorite part? Making a super tight circle at speed (thus making the rest of us mostly queezy) and hitting our own wake as fast as we could get going.

Jeff D.

It’s been five years since we last spent an afternoon with our great friend, Jeff. For those of you newer to the blog, Jeff was a fellow Firefighter and Engineer who died after a three year battle with ALS. He was diagnosed at an extremely young age, and at the time, his son Tanner wasn’t even two years old. It was a transformative time in our lives, as well as for the department…and continues to serve as a guiding example for how people should treat each other. When I think back on that time, I am still amazed at how a group of almost 70 ‘co-workers’ came together to do everything we could to help out just a little.

One of the things that our time with Jeff brought to us was a set of life-long friends. Cyrilla, Tanner, and now Todd show us on a daily basis a courage that is difficult to imagine and a strength that for most of us, is hard to summon even occasionally. There is also a group of guys (Brian, Geoff, Jeff, Mike, and Jay) that were originally bound by work, but have since been bound by experience and love that continue to serve as a daily example of what friendship and support should really mean. It’s a great honor to have been part of Jeff’s life, to still be friends with those guys, and to still have Cyrilla, Tanner, and Todd to turn to.

This letter – written by Jeff – was published here on the blog before, but I invite you to read it again/for the first time and take it for what it’s worth: great advice.

June 29, 2005

Brothers and Sisters,

I would like to thank every single member of the fire department, and impress upon you how much your support has meant to me and my family. Without this support, the last year would have been incredibly difficult. But with everyone’s help, it has been easier than I ever expected. If you aren’t aware, approximately one year ago was my last shift, and last week I received my final paycheck. The ability to go this long between those events shows the incredible sacrifice made by everyone and I thank you for it.

Please keep in mind that it’s not the fire trucks, fire gear, or buildings that matter…it’s the people; and when it counted most, the department and the town stood behind me and my family. I wish that everyone could take care of each other the way that you have taken care of me. Treat each other like family: if someone needs help, offer it. If someone needs criticism, be constructive. If someone wrongs you, tell them. If you make a mistake, admit it. If someone needs knowledge that you posses, teach them.  Most issues will take care of themselves if we incorporate this way of thinking.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 – 1784)

Remember to pick your battles, choose your words, and when you have doubts or conflicts, keep in mind that you have your health; and despite what you are feeling at the moment, you do have the greatest job in the world.

I will see you around and everyone is welcome in my home. I am still the same person, I just talk a lot less.

Fraternally,
Jeff Dunn